Have you ever wondered how many of the people you hang out with are truly your friends? How many of these people would stand by you in a time or crisis, or pick you up at the airport at 1:00am or help you move? I have a great way for you to figure these things out. However, it would involve completely changing your life. Move far away.
I did this 2 years ago, and almost immediately realized what friends would keep in touch, and which wouldn’t really care. As these last 2 years have gone by I have lost contact with many people who I once considered to be friends. And at the same time, a friendship that had faded in high school has re-kindled, and is so valuable to me.
So as much as this is sucking, I know that in order to keep a friendship alive, I have to do my part as well. I fully admit there are many friends that I did let kind of slide, but we weren’t that close in the first place. It’s the people who I was close to that have disappeared that hurt. And those that are doing so now. The people who I made a large effort to keep the friendship alive, and they didn’t respond at all, or barely. That lack of response kind of makes me want to just give up. Who cares? Who needs you anyway? Well… that’s the part that sucks…. I need them. It wouldn’t hurt so much if their friendship didn’t mean anything to me.
This post doesn’t have a lot of point, or any really at all. I am just whining a little, and admittedly feeling sorry for myself. Maybe it’s the depression rearing its ugly head? I don’t know, I hope not! I have just been feeling like I don’t matter. Recently finding out that someone close to me made a heinous comment about me didn’t help. I guess today I am feeling a little betrayed and sad. I just wish I knew what to do to get myself out of these funks when they come around.
Anyway, I just felt the need to unload my loneliness, and I didn’t want to bother anyone in particular, so I thought pouring my feelings out into the blog that I am pretty sure no one reads would be the answer. Holy cow, what a whiner. I don’t like whining, but I needed to get this out.
